Wearing the Mask

One of the conditions of my new found freedom is that I wear a mask anytime I am out in a crowd of people. So this week I have ventured out a little making a few trips to the grocery store and one to the bookstore. I am quite a site walking into a store wearing a ski cap (required apparel in the winter with a bald head), sunglasses, and a surgical mask. I believe that if my intent was to rob the place this would be the perfect disguise. First of all, no one would question my presence, and second, everyone is so worried about being politically correct that I would be walking out the door with the cash while they were still considering what the correct response is to someone wearing a surgical mask in a public place.

Generally the response is a quick double-take and then pretending you are invisible. I have thought that I might start carrying around a five dollar bill to give to the first person that acknowledges the mask. “Yo dude, what’s with the mask?” A quick explanation and “thanks for asking” followed by the fiver.

However, before I could put my five dollar plan into action I finally got a response, and of course you know it would be from a child. I had just turned down the aisle at the grocery store and was approaching a mother with two small children when the oldest, a little girl about five years old, said “Look mom it’s a Doctor”. The mother got a slightly embarrassed look on her face but said nothing. The child, not ready to give up on the subject, looked at her mom again and asked; “Why is there a Doctor in the store?” This time the mother looked at me with a look that was part apologetic and part I don’t know what to say. So I said to the little girl “Sweetheart, I’m not a Doctor. I have just been a kind of sick lately and I need to wear this mask for a little while.” This answer seemed to satisfy her as she then told me they were buying stuff at the store to go home and make a gingerbread house. She then started to walk off with her mother but stopped after a few steps, turned around and said “Goodbye, I hope you feel better soon”. Completely made my day, maybe even my whole week.